It's finally happened. I've received my first invitation to play 9 holes of real golf.
I am filled with anticipation and a golf cart of anxiety.
I accepted the invite of course.
I have spent far too many years otherwise engaged, watching others live lives full steam ahead without hesitation or fear of failure, as such, I have made a decision.
Now is my season to be bold...to jump in with both cleated feet and start swinging!
Did I mention the nervousness?
You see, aside from what could be written off as rookie jitters, I know something my host are not aware of.
I have not spent much time lately practicing the game, like I KNOW I should.
As summer began, I took a private lesson with Don B. 
Mr.
Don could not have been any clearer, giving me every manner of concise instruction, helpful hint and encouragement...muuch encouragement...let us not forget the encouragement!
The last most important thing he told me was practice...practice as much as I could, then based on how I was doing with what I had learned, he would see me in about 10 days or more. He stated that obviously the more I practiced, the quicker I should be feeling at home with this game.
I expected him to schedule another lesson right away, but no...he stated once I was able to execute various swings with some consistency in results and began feeling more comfortable doing it, I was to give him a call and we would move on.
Mr. D advised practicing many of these skills in my backyard, the driving range or perhaps playing a 3 hole course for starters. If I did as he told me, before long golf would begin to feel as natural as breathing. Then we could go into more in depth training.
I have done little to none of the above.
Panic has set in.
Just so we're clear on this...I am not concerned about 'looking' bad.
A myriad of experiences throughout my life regularly humble me to the point that I sooo know that 'this', (like so many other things) is NOT about me!
That said, here are my concerns:
My good and I'm talking GOOD golf pals, are showing such grace and mercy escorting me on the fairways. I shutter to think of the many ways I might harm them physically, psychologically and emotionally.
The two courses being considered are fine pieces of real estate. Whew! When I consider the unintentional aeration of sod that I know I am capable of, it makes my knees shake!
If I am so ill prepared, why do it you may ask?
If I wait for perfect conditions...all my tee's in row so to speak, I could be well into my 70's before I play the first round. I really want to do this, and now seems to be the time.
God has been really dealing with me on this, oh...He has!
Recently I have been vigilant in seeking an even more intimate relationship with Him. I prayed for Him to actually increase my 'want to'. I prayed God supernaturally blow past the 'Mom-nesia', the worn out old body and pump me up in mind, body and spirit, think Godly steroids. Once this happens, we could really get tight and as a result, in all ways my life would do and be nothing that does not glorify Him.
You see, I had a good plan for something I really wanted, or so I thought.
That was when He, in that still...oh so small, non-condemning God voice said,"You claim to want to hear from Me, seek My will and way, making your life all about Me...yet how much time are you really spending with Me child? Just you and Me? You say you want to be closer...how about desire? What is your hearts desire? " He then reminded me
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4: 8
He so had my number.
Since summer reared her hot and sticky head, I have slowly fallen out of some wonderful routines I've cultivated. These practices assure that my day begins early and intimate with just He and I, His Word and usually a large cup of Joe.
With total amazement at His commitment to me, showing Himself regularly in every part of my meager life, I would start my day with Him before the sun had shown a hint of color and all of nature was just beginning to stretch and yawn. Depending on the weather, we might visit out on the screen porch, the sun room or curled up in the big chair in the library.
This was our time. Without many of the distractions of life and tending to everyone else's need. My focus for the day began with Him and continued that way throughout the rest of the day and night until we pick up where we left off the next morning.
Here's what I discovered, just like it says in Psalm 37:4-5
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this"
These disciplines, drew me so near to my Savior. Knowing Him better was my deepest desire, and what do you know...He gave it to me! My delighted heart would then overflow into every part of my life.
Throughout summer I've gotten increasingly lack in setting my alarm to be up by 5:30. Relishing just a few more winks every day. As a result, by the time I get up lately, my little crew is up and at 'em. They come out of the baby gate full speed, no need for caffeinated beverages to start their day by gollie!
Once they are up, I may as well give it up. Quiet time is over, why bother or so I thought.To equate spending time on my golf game with pouring over my Father's Word may seem a stretch. It's not legalism, I don't feel condemned for not keeping up with a practice that I have enjoyed for so many years. I just miss the closeness.
Taking time, focusing...really focusing on His letters to me, allowing Him in, to speak, guide and love me more requires that I set aside our time to do so. If not, life wakes up and runs me over, leaving moments here or there for just the two of us throughout the day, and that's not cutting it.
This makes me way more anxious than playing those 9 holes next week, and it should.
So this morning, I was up before the chickens with triple cappuccino in one hand, Bible in the other. Snuggled up with just He and me in a favorite overstuffed chair. My heart overflowed. I was back home... and it was as natural as breathing.
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